Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Suffering in Silence
There is much ground to cover in service to telling this story, but for now, certain tensions are best worked out this way, by sharing information with people who are really gonna need it. Depressed people do things maddeningly contrary to common sense. In the context of marriage, the non-depressed spouse has got to repeat that to her- or himself probably 1,000,000 times a day, less the marital home devolve into chaos. I know. It very nearly happened at our home.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Mending Home
Two very productive days in a row. Making good on my vow to clean house, literally, figuratively and spiritually. As I lay here beside the love of my life, I count myself lucky; though depression has such a hold on her as to render me almost irrelevant in her eyes, at least she's here. I miss her so much. So much. But I won't be weak anymore. I know what's wrong and I have the doctors on the case. We will get through this.
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Monday, February 13, 2012
The Game Behind the Game
On my way to work this morning, this is what greeted me on the commuter monitor: "Umeniora [star defensive end for the New York Giants] Unhappy."
Ordinarily, I'd be thinking "well isn't that just awful for him?", but I thought about it: he ain't doin' nothin' but workin' the angles. It's the oldest trick in the salary negotiation book. If a guy and his agent are underwhelmed by an owner's efforts to iron out a contract hassle, the next move for the player is to go public. This, I think, accomplishes two things: it let's other teams know the guy could potentially come on the market and it puts the current team on notice that the clock is ticking. Why else would a player go to the media with something he could text to his agent in a matter of seconds?
You thought football was strictly a physical sport? It's a living chess game for any player, from draft day to retirement.
Ordinarily, I'd be thinking "well isn't that just awful for him?", but I thought about it: he ain't doin' nothin' but workin' the angles. It's the oldest trick in the salary negotiation book. If a guy and his agent are underwhelmed by an owner's efforts to iron out a contract hassle, the next move for the player is to go public. This, I think, accomplishes two things: it let's other teams know the guy could potentially come on the market and it puts the current team on notice that the clock is ticking. Why else would a player go to the media with something he could text to his agent in a matter of seconds?
You thought football was strictly a physical sport? It's a living chess game for any player, from draft day to retirement.
I'm A Man, Yes I Am
The thing about being a man...the primal urges are what they are. Once a man is, reproductively speaking, mature, his drives are set. Nothing changes that. Not society, not morality, not marriage. The only things that change are how a man's urges evolve from their origins and whether a man is physically capable of following through with his urges. The single most important tool in a man's arsenal in the battle against HIMSELF so that he might ascend to greatness in the context of our society is SELF CONTROL.
Look, any man not hindered by some pathology can go out and do what men do. Like wolves and lions, the wiring is there. But we are neither wolves nor lions. We are MEN. By necessity, we live within constraints that we subconsciously design for ourselves to suit the conditions in which we exist, which speaks to our remarkable adaptability, though complacency often finds us mired in outdated philosophies. But for love, for family, for peace of mind, for the mental capacity to focus on more pressing matters, we have to be bigger than that Jeckyll and Hyde conjoined twin we keep encased in fabric at least 2/3 of each day, depending on how a guy makes a living.
Look, any man not hindered by some pathology can go out and do what men do. Like wolves and lions, the wiring is there. But we are neither wolves nor lions. We are MEN. By necessity, we live within constraints that we subconsciously design for ourselves to suit the conditions in which we exist, which speaks to our remarkable adaptability, though complacency often finds us mired in outdated philosophies. But for love, for family, for peace of mind, for the mental capacity to focus on more pressing matters, we have to be bigger than that Jeckyll and Hyde conjoined twin we keep encased in fabric at least 2/3 of each day, depending on how a guy makes a living.
The Appeal of Deep House Music to the Primal Urge
I was driving home last night bumpin' that deep hizz when the most erotic track I've heard in a minute stealthily sauntered through my auditory canals...As I let the sultry, dulcet vocals of a nameless woman sink into my psyche, eventually, so too did the exposition of the tune's narrative. Doubtless, seduction is a common theme of deep house, but I do not recall hearing a woman so skillfully enticing another woman to "come on over", which served as the chorus of the track. And as is typical of deep house, the further into the track one listens, the more blatant becomes the underlying message, the more fervent the urging of the vocalist.
By the time the DJ blended in the next track, I was wiping my forehead and tossing the glove box in the vain hope that there was a cigarette.
By the time the DJ blended in the next track, I was wiping my forehead and tossing the glove box in the vain hope that there was a cigarette.
The Recklessness of...Youth!
Hurtling toward the end of life as I know it into the unknown, I am lucky enough to be unconcerned about what happens when THIS is over. I have found PURPOSE, which is more comforting to me than even TRUTH, and this discovery renders all peripherals...moot.
The doc told me that I am still young and without obvious signs of underlying health issues. In the context of my experience and observations, baby, that's a ticket to ride. I urge everyone I know to embrace the idea of cleanER living. We all have our vices, but we should never allow them to approach the threshold of deadly.
I don't give a damn about pointing fingers and judgment. I try to deal with "what is" rather than "why is". "Let he who is without sin..." Besides, though now, I live like a Mormon (well, almost..., LOL), CSI would have a field day going through my closet, and some know this better than others.
The doc told me that I am still young and without obvious signs of underlying health issues. In the context of my experience and observations, baby, that's a ticket to ride. I urge everyone I know to embrace the idea of cleanER living. We all have our vices, but we should never allow them to approach the threshold of deadly.
I don't give a damn about pointing fingers and judgment. I try to deal with "what is" rather than "why is". "Let he who is without sin..." Besides, though now, I live like a Mormon (well, almost..., LOL), CSI would have a field day going through my closet, and some know this better than others.
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